A recent study found that 62% of UK mothers feel as though they’ve lost their identity after having children. There are many reasons for this, from wanting to put their child at the heart of everything they do to feeling as though there’s simply not enough time in the day to dedicate to themselves.
However, while all of these reasons are understandable, you do not have to accept feeling this way as part of your parenthood journey. After all, accepting it as such could mean that it has a long-term effect on your well-being and life moving forward.
With that in mind, here are some top tips that you can use to get your spark back as a mum!
Remember that you’re a whole person, not just a parent.
One of the easiest ways in which you can help to bring back your spark is by reminding yourself that you are a whole person, not just a parent. While your child will be your priority (no matter how old they get), it’s okay to put yourself first from time to time.
Make time in your routine for your hobbies.
You can also help bring your spark back by ensuring that you make time for your passions and hobbies. While you may already feel short on time, you’d be surprised at just how much of a difference this can make to your mood and how you perceive yourself.
For example, they can help you considerably with the first step featured in this list by reminding you of who you are outside of being a parent. You are someone who is resilient, who is open to learning new things, and always tries their best – something which pursuing a hobby can really drive this home. In addition to this, pursuing a hobby can also help you lower your stress levels and relax. This, in turn, will help you to feel a little more like your old self again.
Prioritise sleep.
A healthy sleep routine is something that many parents view as unachievable, especially when their children are younger. However, you won’t truly feel like yourself again until you’re well-rested. Not only that, but it could also be having a negative impact on your long-term health and well-being.
There are a few different ways in which you can prioritise sleep as a parent. For example, you should:
- Curate a relaxing nightime routine that helps you to wind down after a busy or stressful day
- Try going to bed around the same time each night
- Avoid caffeine (such as coffee or soda) in the late afternoon/evening
- Meditating before bed or trying out deep breathing exercises
- Turning your phone off before going to bed
- Maintaining the temperature of the bedroom by looking after the heating and cooling systems
You should also treat yourself to the occasional lie-in (unless, of course, you have something that you need to be up for). While many people view this as wasted time, sleeping in can help to combat sleep debt caused by late nights and early mornings, leaving you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated for the rest of the week. As such, don’t be afraid to snooze that alarm from time to time.
Make sure you have fun every day.
When you’re caught in a routine, whether you’re busy or simply going through emotions, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut that leads to boredom. This, in turn, can change how you perceive or think about yourself (and not for the better). However, you can prevent this by ensuring that you do at least one fun thing every day.
This does not necessarily need to be anything over the top or time-consuming. For example, if you loved arcades as a kid, you may find that you get a lot of enjoyment out of playing pinball online whenever you have a few minutes to spare. Simply put: if something makes you happy, find time in your routine for it.
Step out of your comfort zone.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone, such as by trying something new every single day, can also help rediscover your spark. This is because it shows you the value of pushing yourself and making change, as opposed to sticking to self-limiting patterns. It could also help you to discover a new hobby, which, as referenced above, can be incredibly influential during this time.
Talk about how you are feeling.
Whether you’re dealing with parental stress or are worried about your performance at work, talking about how you are feeling is crucial during this time. This is because, whether you’re opening up to a loved one or a professional, a problem shared is a problem halved. You’ll feel like a great weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and that you’re less alone or isolated.
Not only that, but when those around you understand that you are struggling, they will be able to put plans in place to help you move forward. For example, if you’re struggling to juggle work and childcare, they may offer to pick your child up from nursery or carry out the school run on your behalf. While it can be difficult to accept help, do not dismiss those who are extending a helping hand to you at this time.
You may also find it useful to join a parenting or mothers’ group during this time. This way, you can spend time with people who understand exactly what you are going through.
Exercise when you can.
Exercising a few times a week can do wonders for your confidence. For example, it can help you to fall in love with your reflection all over again, especially if you have dealt with body confidence issues in the wake of having children. In addition to this, it can also help to improve your mood and mindset.
You don’t need to spend hours at the gym daily to see these benefits. In fact, even five minutes of light daily exercise can make a difference. Furthermore, if it’s been some time since you were last committed to your health and fitness, don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to jump straight back into an intense workout routine. Start small and work your way up gradually. This will help you to feel a little more confident, while also combating exhaustion that will otherwise leave you more inclined to give up!
Practice self-care.
Practising self-care is one of the easiest ways to rejuvenate your mind, body and spirit, especially as a parent who is used to putting everyone else’s needs before your own. This is because it encourages you to put your needs first for a change.
There are many different ways in which you can make self-care part of your daily routine. For example, you could work on curating a skincare routine or run yourself a hot, relaxing bath at the end of the day. Alternatively, you may want to spend time watching TV, reading a book, or playing a game. The choice is yours!
Final thoughts.
There’s a lot to enjoy about being a mum. After all, you get the privilege of watching your children grow up before your very eyes, all while building a bond that will last a lifetime. However, it can also be both isolating and stressful, which can often leave parents feeling as though they’ve lost their identity somewhere along the way.
Fortunately, there are many steps that you can take to get your spark back as a parent, from making sure you do one fun thing each day to indulging in self-care. You’ve got this, Momma!
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