Divorce can be an extremely painful and emotionally draining process. But if there are children involved in the breakup, things can be even worse. Fortunately, this is just one possibility: if you approach the divorce in the right way, and make sure that your children are reassured constantly of a few key truths, then you stand every chance of minimising the harm and uncertainty they’re forced to suffer.
When and How to Have the First Conversation
You might wonder when the appropriate time is to start the first conversation. If the divorce has taken you by surprise, then you might still be reeling from it. It’s important to take a moment to collect yourself. If you appear to be handling the situation, then your children might stand a better chance of dealing with it, too.
It’s important to be honest and to tell the whole truth quickly. Dragging it out, or dangling possibilities over your child’s head, might lead to them becoming even more uncertain about the situation.
Addressing Your Child’s Emotional Needs
Children react to divorce in a variety of ways. Some may be confused; others might feel responsible, or even explicitly blame themselves. It’s vital that you say explicitly that the divorce is not the fault of them or their behaviour.
Some children might benefit from ongoing support from a professional during this time. In most cases, the love and attention provided by parents might be all that’s required.
Creating a Consistent Parenting Plan
Following the separation, the two parents might have diverging opinions on how to best raise the child. But since only one of you will be seeing the child at any given time, it might be tempting to play things by ear. This can lead to one parent or another feeling as though their wishes aren’t being respected – which can be a source of further tension and argument.
You can anticipate and avoid this difficulty by keeping things as consistent as possible. Devise a Parenting Plan. This is a legal document that outlines custody and visitation schedules, and which can be used to get a few broad principles and ideas down when it comes to discipline, and messaging. You can return to this document later and refine your approach as life progresses following the divorce.
Helping Children Adjust to Two Households
One potential source of unease for children following a divorce is the fact that they might have to move frequently between households. It’s worth collaborating with your former spouse to ensure some level of consistency between the two worlds. The rules in both homes should be roughly the same, and there should be some common themes uniting the spaces that the children will actually occupy. Bedrooms, in other words, could be decorated and furnished in roughly the same way. Children should also feel that they can communicate with the nearest parent, whichever home they might be staying in.
Collaborative post