Lucas and I were getting changed after swimming yesterday, there were two other mums talking about bed time routines and sleep training. One was saying how she had left her baby to cry for 40 minutes and then her partner went in, picked the baby up and ruined it as she had managed to last that long for him to undo it.
I know everyone parents differently and I respect anybody’s choice for their own family but I don’t understand why you would put yourself or your baby through crying for that long.
I have had family members telling me I should be starting to leave Lucas to settle himself or he will never fall to sleep on his own but he is only 6 months old. Surely it makes more sense to wait until he is older and understands more?
We chose to try for a baby because we wanted one. We knew that a baby would mean our lives changing and us having to adapt.
I stay in the room when I put Lucas to bed until he falls asleep and I don’t think I will change that until he can understand that because I’m not in the room doesn’t mean I have left him. D and I have both spent the past 6 months, nurturing Lucas, ensuring he feels safe and secure with us. Why would we then, leave him in a dark bedroom, expecting him to fall asleep on his own?
I struggle to believe that babies stop crying during sleep training because they have settled themselves, I think it is more likely they have either exhausted themselves or they stop because they know nobody is coming. I would hate for Lucas to think we aren’t going to respond to him, by responding to him now, does that not teach him we are listening to him and build his self esteem and self worth as he is growing?
One of my friends did sleep training with her baby and within a week it worked, he was sleeping through and she was happier but when we discussed it she said she could never have left him crying for more than 10 minutes at a time. Every parent and baby is different and no one thing will ever suit everyone so I think as long as the individual is happy, that’s all that matters but the mummy at swimming didn’t sound like she was happy with the training but that she was doing it because that’s what should be done at that age.
The best thing I have been told since becoming pregnant, is to trust my instincts and do what feels right for our family and not listen to what ‘should’ be done at certain ages.
I think our routine works for us, there is no pressure or stress around Lucas falling to sleep and then D and I have a couple of hours together in the evening when he does fall to sleep. As for leaving him to cry, that is something I will never be happy to do, if he wants comfort, comfort he will get x
Agreed. Every baby is different and it is up to the parents to know and do what they think is best for their child. It’s great to have all these information but in the end, they are just guides. #mummymonday
Every family has to do what works for them as every one is different. #mummymondays
I completely agree with you. I could never do the CIO or CC method with my little one. There is no doubt it does work but I’ve read a few articles that have said that even though the baby maybe doesn’t cry on night 4 or 5 etc their Cortisol levels are still really high indicating stress. I would never want to put my little girl through that as I don’t think it’s what should be done but also appreciate that everyone makes their own informed choices. #mummymondays
Azaria
Beingmrslynch.com
I agree there is more evidence now that sleep training too young can be damaging. #snoozysunday
I completely agree with you. When Baby Lighty was born, I’m pretty sure he was scared of the dark. It broke my heart to think that he was alone & scared in his basket. We cuddle & feed to sleep, & part of me does wonder every now & again if we’re “making a rod for our own backs”, but part of me Aldi thinks that I’m just listening to what society dictates by thinking this way and that every family should do what works for them. Found you via #snoozysunday 🙂
I remember going through these exact thoughts too when the toddler was little. I couldn’t just leave her to cry for the same reasons that you’ve outlined, but always felt that there was something I ‘should’ be doing but was choosing not to and therefore making it harder on myself. There was a lightbulb moment when I read a blog post that said:
You can read all the parenting books you like, but nobody has ever written a book about ‘your’ baby!
Trusting your instincts can be so difficult as a first time parent, as you assume (well I did anyway) that those with experience must know best, but nobody knows your baby like you do, and only you can make the choices for yourself, and they will always be the right ones.
I’m much more confident with baby no 2, and trust myself more. He’s a much worse sleeper than she was but I’m happy to sit by his cot while he drops off, and go back to him each time he wakes. It worked for her in the end (she’s a brilliant sleeper now!) and I know he’ll get there in his own time too!
Thank you for linking up to #SnoozySunday!
(sorry this was more of an essay than I intended!!)