Lucas and I were getting changed after swimming yesterday, there were two other mums talking about bed time routines and sleep training. One was saying how she had left her baby to cry for 40 minutes and then her partner went in, picked the baby up and ruined it as she had managed to last that long for him to undo it.
I know everyone parents differently and I respect anybody’s choice for their own family but I don’t understand why you would put yourself or your baby through crying for that long.
I have had family members telling me I should be starting to leave Lucas to settle himself or he will never fall to sleep on his own but he is only 6 months old. Surely it makes more sense to wait until he is older and understands more?
We chose to try for a baby because we wanted one. We knew that a baby would mean our lives changing and us having to adapt.
I stay in the room when I put Lucas to bed until he falls asleep and I don’t think I will change that until he can understand that because I’m not in the room doesn’t mean I have left him. D and I have both spent the past 6 months, nurturing Lucas, ensuring he feels safe and secure with us. Why would we then, leave him in a dark bedroom, expecting him to fall asleep on his own?
I struggle to believe that babies stop crying during sleep training because they have settled themselves, I think it is more likely they have either exhausted themselves or they stop because they know nobody is coming. I would hate for Lucas to think we aren’t going to respond to him, by responding to him now, does that not teach him we are listening to him and build his self esteem and self worth as he is growing?
One of my friends did sleep training with her baby and within a week it worked, he was sleeping through and she was happier but when we discussed it she said she could never have left him crying for more than 10 minutes at a time. Every parent and baby is different and no one thing will ever suit everyone so I think as long as the individual is happy, thats all that matters but the mummy at swimming didn’t sound like she was happy with the training but that she was doing it because that’s what should be done at that age.
The best thing I have been told since becoming pregnant, is to trust my instincts and do what feels right for our family and not listen to what ‘should’ be done at certain ages.
I think our routine works for us, there is no pressure or stress around Lucas falling to sleep and then D and I have a couple of hours together in the evening when he does fall to sleep. As for leaving him to cry, that is something I will never be happy to do, if he wants comfort, comfort he will get x