Yesterday I saw an open letter that a lady had written to some people she had been judged by whilst out shopping with her daughter. In my working life I support people with learning disabilities including autism and pica and her words rang very true to me. Thank you Sammi for letting me share.

Sammi is Mum to Skye who is 3 years old and partner to Arron who she has been with for over 6 years, since they were 17. Sammi started Clear Skye’s after Skye was born as she didn’t want to be unemployed but also wanted to be home with Skye as she has had a lot of medical issues since birth. Please take a look at her page as she has some stunning personalised laser engraved gifts x

Autism and pica awareness

Dear passers by,
This is Skye. She’s 3 years old. She has autism spectrum disorder, pica and hypermobility syndrome.
To the lady in Paperchase telling me Skye was naughty, I’m irresponsible and I shouldn’t give her things before I’ve paid for them, thanks for your input. Pica is a disorder where she feels the uncontrollable need to eat non edible things. Skye’s thing is paper. I’m sorry she ate the barcode before we paid but she isn’t naughty and I am not irresponsible.
To the member of staff in Wilko, no I wouldn’t rather take my child who is in the middle of a meltdown outside and come back in a minute. I think that’s what you would rather me do and I am disgusted with your attitude.
To the man trying to get me to change my cable provider, I am already with Virgin, I already think your service is shit and can you not see I’m trying to comfort a screaming, scared and upset child?
To the people just staring at me, whispering to each other and the blatant judging of my parenting, I hope your children don’t have bad days like this.
And to the old lady in Sainsburys who told me Skye was too old to be in a buggy and she should be walking, thank you for your input. Skye has hypermobility syndrome. Walking long distances for her is painful. So she goes in a buggy when she is too tired to save her little legs from hurting.
Today was hard. Never felt so judged by so many people. The noise of builders, cars, the beeping to cross the road and music in the shop was all too much for Skye. So she dealt with it the only way she knows how. To cover her ears, shake and cry. She was scared. She was upset. And she was panicking. She was NOT being naughty.
And despite this, I love taking my little beauty shopping. I will not apologise if she is an inconvenience to your shopping trip!

25 Comments

25 Comments on Don’t Be So Quick To Judge

  1. Louise | Squished Blueberries
    March 2, 2016 at 8:45 am (2 years ago)

    I don’t understand why people feel the need to tell other people what they think they are doing wrong with their kids. It’s so rude and it’s none of their business! I don’t get many comments but I get a lot of ‘looks’ especially when I’m out on my own with all three kids.

    Reply
  2. Dean of Little Steps
    March 2, 2016 at 11:19 am (2 years ago)

    I feel for these mothers. It’s easy for other people to judge when they don’t know what’s happening. It’s awful! I feel for Charlize Theron, the actress who was dubbed a monster mum by the tabloids when she was photographed while her son was having a meltdown in public. Sigh.

    Reply
  3. Joanna
    March 2, 2016 at 11:46 am (2 years ago)

    I hate people like this who feel the need to comment on ur parenting.
    It’s none of their business and rude too. Sorry to hear about what has been said bout little girl.

    Reply
  4. Erica Price
    March 2, 2016 at 12:52 pm (2 years ago)

    It’s unnecessary isn’t it? Noone knows the full story of someone encountered in the street or a shop, so there’s no need to judge.

    Reply
  5. Mrs Tubbs
    March 2, 2016 at 1:03 pm (2 years ago)

    Skye looks adorable 🙂 I’ve never understood why people feel the need to judge others so harshly when often they don’t have a clue what’s going on.

    Reply
  6. Victoria Cunniff
    March 2, 2016 at 2:24 pm (2 years ago)

    I wholeheartedly agree with Skye’s mum that yes you can feel judged when your child is screaming and no it isn’t anyone else’s business but yours and there are no need for nasty comments. But Skye’s mum actually says ‘The noise of builders,’ etc etc’ was all too much for Skye. So she dealt with it the only way she knows how. To cover her ears, shake and cry. She was scared. She was upset. And she was panicking.’ Well, I’m sorry but take her home – if my child was upset, screaming and crying because she was scared and panicking I certainly wouldn’t carry on my shopping. Now, maybe Skye’s mum was on her way home at this point, I don’t know, but that isn’t how the story reads. Why would you put your child through this ordeal if it made her so scared?

    Reply
    • Jenni
      March 2, 2016 at 10:52 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
      As a support worker, I have supported both children and adults with autism. Some people may struggle when they are out but it doesn’t mean that they didn’t want to go out in the first place. I know that if anyone I support is struggling in a public place, we reassure them and wait for them to feel safe enough to leave, trying to get them to leave there and then would only escalate the situation.
      Skye may have been settled whilst shopping and then something out of the blue may have triggered her to become upset. Skye has time to find her coping strategies and won’t do that from staying in avoiding life. I have seen adults go from being terrified of cars, dogs, children and anything that can suddenly become noisy and through patience and trying different things they have been able to enjoy going out and experiencing everyday occurances that most take for granted.
      I know Sammi bought Skye some headphones following this so hopefully that will reduce her anxiety but if not, there are plenty of other options for them to try without having to avoid going shopping x

      Reply
  7. Nadia - ScandiMummy
    March 2, 2016 at 3:49 pm (2 years ago)

    I saw this as Skye’s grandmother had shared it in a Crafts group I’m a member of on Facebook. It broke my heart. Why are people so judgemental – we should really start supporting and caring more for our fellow human beings. Thank you for sharing here as well. #bestandworst

    Reply
  8. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)
    March 2, 2016 at 7:30 pm (2 years ago)

    Bless her heart. I can never get over how rude people are! How can people dare to even comment. It’s one bad thing to judge internally but verbalise it?? Great post and I hope it raises more awareness of these conditions. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    Reply
  9. Ana De- Jesus
    March 2, 2016 at 10:47 pm (2 years ago)

    Aw bless you love, these people should be ashamed for what they have done and should be aware that karma is a vengeful bitch when she wants to be. I couldn’t have put it better myself when you said that you hope their children is not like that. Then they will know esactly what you are going through x

    Reply
  10. Lilinha
    March 2, 2016 at 11:33 pm (2 years ago)

    I really don’t like when strangers interfere with how I bring up my child. I believe it is up to the parents to decide what is best for their children!
    http://lilinhaangel.com/

    Reply
  11. Grant R
    March 3, 2016 at 6:44 am (2 years ago)

    “the old lady in Sainsburys who told me Skye was too old to be in a buggy and she should be walking” – what the hell? This (and the rest) makes my blood boil. What does this hag know about you and your family? I wouldn’t have been able to help myself. I would have bawled her out. RAGE!

    Reply
  12. Tori Gabriel
    March 3, 2016 at 9:22 am (2 years ago)

    I hate how quick people are to judge. It’s like as soon as we become parents we all look at other parents and judge them. I know, I do it too. I have looked at the kid with a can of coke or the child with the dummy in school uniform and been judgy in my head but I would never say a thing out loud. We don’t know their story and it’s none of our business anyway.

    Reply
  13. Caroline Magovern
    March 3, 2016 at 10:42 am (2 years ago)

    I’d never dream of passing comment on someone else in the street – why do people feel the need to do that? Great post x

    Reply
  14. Kerry norris
    March 3, 2016 at 10:55 am (2 years ago)

    Awww how awful for both of them. In this world we live in at the moment parenting is some sort of competition and everyone is quick to judge. We never know what goes on behind closed doors. It must be been a horrible day for skyes mum x

    Reply
  15. Kara
    March 3, 2016 at 1:00 pm (2 years ago)

    Working in a supermarket I saw people judging other parents all the time. I normally used to just try and help, even just by packing their shopping for them.

    Reply
  16. Rachel
    March 3, 2016 at 6:52 pm (2 years ago)

    I fear that if someone did that to me, I would be telling them where to shove their advice x

    Reply
  17. A Moment with Franca
    March 4, 2016 at 3:12 pm (2 years ago)

    This is the most annoying thing ever!! Why people need to get involved in people’s life, They should go and worry about their own lives. Great post, xx

    Reply
  18. Hannah Budding Smiles
    March 4, 2016 at 3:23 pm (2 years ago)

    This makes me unbelievably sad. I worked in special needs education for a decade so have come across a lot of discrimination against my students and that used to upset me, never mind when it’s against your own child xx

    Reply
  19. Idaintyit
    March 4, 2016 at 4:26 pm (2 years ago)

    Great post! I hate when people judge because they don’t even know you or what you are going through at that time. Even if she was being naughty, at the end of the day its no one else’s business but yours and you deal with it your own way. )I know she wasn’t being naughty)

    Reply
  20. Ickle Pickle
    March 4, 2016 at 10:24 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh my goodness – why can’t people keep their opinions to themselves! Pickle is having some epic tantrums at the mo and I am sick of the judgemental looks and tuts, so can empathise a little. Kaz x x

    Reply
  21. Little Pickle's Mom
    March 5, 2016 at 9:54 am (2 years ago)

    Ahh, it really angers me that mothers should be made to feel like this – I wish people would keep their judgemental opinions to themselves and not take things at face value. None of us can ever understand what’s going on in someone else’s life and what has made us choose the parenting decisions we’ve made. I hope Skye can grow up feeling accepted and proud of all she has achieved!

    Reply
  22. Margaret Gallagher
    March 7, 2016 at 10:04 pm (2 years ago)

    Reiterating the same as what others said
    Most of these people that comment should take a look at their own lives before commenting on others
    Narrow minded and busy bodies !!

    Reply
  23. Candace
    March 8, 2016 at 3:03 am (2 years ago)

    Have s child with Aspergers, the other with juvenile arthritis and both with hyper mobility I sadly have experienced this too often. It’s not nice but I just smile and inside pity their ignorance. I don’t let it upset me as they mean nothing to me.

    Reply
    • Jenni
      March 8, 2016 at 9:51 am (2 years ago)

      That is a good way of looking at it x

      Reply

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